Eavesdropping
by Volitan
Summary: Tony overhears a conversation between Pepper and an old friend.  Comedy fic with aims of making people smile. Oneshot


**Eavesdropping. **

**I am an amateur author of false name,**

**I borrow worlds of another's fame.**

**I stake no claim on recognised locations,**

**Neither do I own canon situations.**

**I merely come here to spend a while,**

**Reading other's work; writing my own style.**

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**I gain no finance, no revenue, no cash.**

**I do not mean to step on legal toes,**

**I mean no infringement, I'm friend not foe.**

**So please, do come in, relax, unwind.**

**I hope in my work, enjoyment you will find**.

After IM1, before IM2. Tony overhears a conversation between Pepper and an old friend that prompts his actions. Oneshot. Kathy is my own creation. I post this only because it made me laugh writing it, and I'd like to bring a smile to others' faces too. It is pretty much all dialogue, but I could pretty much _hear_ this conversation in my head, and the plot bunnies went a bit mental over it.

"Good morning, you've reached Stark Industries CEO office. This is Virginia Potts speaking, I'm Mr. Stark's Personal Assistant. I'm sorry, Mr. Stark is currently unavailable right now, can I take a message?" There was the briefest of pauses, "You are currently on speakerphone, however, if you have sensitive or classified information, please let me know and I'll transfer the conversation to the headset."

"_Oh my God. Is 'hello' an extinct species at Stark Industries? I've been on the phone to seven different people trying to get through to you - and nobody has simply said 'hello' to me!" _came a female voice that was dripping with an infinite quantity of sarcasm.

"I'm sorry, who am I speaking to?" Pepper said, vaguely recognising the voice. She mentally ran through the voices of various reporters she spoke to frequently, trying to match the speech to a face.

"_You wouldn't believe how insulted I am right now! I never thought 'I'd have an opportunity to say 'Don't you know who I am?' I'm gutted that I've been reduced to the level of a Z-list celeb." _was the scandalised reply coming from the speaker on Pepper's desk.

"I'm terribly sorry, ma'am, for the insult. Would you like me to leave a message for Mr. Stark, he's currently in a meeting?" the red head said, perfectly calm and placating to whoever was on the line. She still couldn't place the person's voice.

However, She'd already pressed the button that allowed the call to transfer to Tony's desk speaker, knowing he wouldn't do a thing about the call for at _minimum_ a few hours - but at least he'd hear the message first hand while she took down a memo to remind him with later.

Looking at him on the security feed she had of his office on her desktop PC, she noticed that her boss was actually laying on his stomach in the middle of the floor in his office, scribbling away on a collection of blueprints spread around him. For all intents and purposes he looked like a three year old in his Sunday best!

"_No. I don't want to leave a message for Mr. Stark! I want my __maid of honour__ to snap out of work mode and into wedding mode for a minute! For crying out loud Ginny! It's __me__!"_ came the firm, but laughing reply.

"Kathy? Or should it be nine-days-to-being-Mrs.-Richardson?" Pepper giggled shaking her head.

"_Finally cottoned on, have you?"_ was the reply.

"How much coffee have you had today? Your sarcasm levels are through the roof!" Pepper asked, cautiously. Watching as Tony yelped and pouted as the blueprint gave him a paper cut.

"_Lots. Lots of coffee. Too much to do, not enough time to sleep."_

"Sleep is important, Kathy!" Pepper chided.

"_Yeah, I know… the problem with bags under your eyes is finding the shoes to match them."_ came the joking reply.

"Yeah… okay, what's up? I love talking to you, but I'm on the clock right now, and my in-tray and in-box are piling up as we speak." Pepper prompted, pulling a sandwich out of her desk drawer, multi-tasking her time between brunch and a girly chat.

"_Ginny, I'm working on the seating plan… and I was wondering…"_

"… I am soooo not doing it for you, you're on your own with that one! You've too many divorced family members who are still out for blood…" Pepper interrupted.

"…_Oi! Give me chance, will you? I'm not actually calling to ask you to make my seating plan!"_ snapped Kathy.

"Sorry. Force of habit." Pepper placated, sounding rather sheepish for jumping to conclusions.

" _Anyway, I was wondering if you were bringing a date? That way I know who I'm sitting you next to on the seating plan. See, all you had to do was let me finish." _Kathy sounded more amused than offended now, much to Pepper's relief.

"Erm… no." Pepper replied.

"_Oh __good__." _

"Why is that good? Who are you trying to set me up with now? Please don't! Not after _last_ time!" Pepper pleaded the last, standing and pacing a little, her sandwich forgotten. Good grief, last time Kathy had planned a date for her had involved a man who suddenly had more arms than an octopus! He'd even had the cheek to try and sue her when she broke his nose for being grabby!

"_Forget last time… I've a __real__ gem to introduce you to! And I thought __he__ was lovely, I didn't realise he'd take one look at you and turn into some sex-crazed fruit-loop! And I __have__ apologised repeatedly for that!"_ You could hear the wince in Kathy's words.

"Kathy… just because you're getting married, doesn't mean you have to match all your single friends up too." Pepper warned, her tone strict.

"_Single friend. Not plural, just the one - just you left… but never mind that! He's a doctor…"_

"…I'm a busy woman…"

"…_He's got so many letters after his name that if they were pasta you could feed a family of four on alphabet-spaghetti for a week…"_

"…I'm not really looking for a relationship, regardless of…"

"… _He's a kind, funny, sweet, blue-eyed, blonde haired Adonis…"_

"… That's good for him, but I'm not…"

"… _He can quote a few of Shakespeare's sonnets, and he's such a gentleman…."_

"… That's impressive, but…."

"… _He's the best man, and you __know__ what they say about the best man and maid of honour…"_

"… I am so _not_ sleeping with the best man at my best friend's wedding! What do you take me for?…"

"… _he wears XL condoms, should you want to sleep with him after the wedding…"_

"KATHY! Do I even want to know how you know what size condoms the best man uses?" Pepper was mildly scandalised at the thought, knowing that the happy couple had been exclusively together since the first month of college. The kind of exclusivity that required roommates to buy earplugs.

"_I think that marrying his identical twin brother is a good excuse for knowing __that__." _You could almost hear her winking and smirking at Pepper over the line.

"There's _two_ of them? Wow, they _didn't _break the mould when they made Tim?" Was Pepper's reply, now mildly interested. Perhaps more than mildly interested.

"_Oh yeah. And no, before you ask, I've never got them mixed up." _

"So, you can tell them apart?" Pepper mused.

"_Yeah, Sam has his hair cut short. Now, just in case your brain just melted, Sam's single!"_ Kathy cooed.

"Kathy… I know you mean well, but I'm not into one-night-stands. I'm sure he's lovely, but…"

"_Ginny! Don't make it a one-nighter! You've got __four days__ up here, and there's a Stark Industries office not far away, you could relocate!"_

"Don't be facetious, Kathy." Pepper said, her tone of voice a clear warning.

"_Awww… come on! I'm sitting you next to each other at the reception. Talk to him, be you, be gorgeous… and make sure you __tell me__ if he gets to see that gorgeous lingerie set that matches your bridesmaid dress!"_

"Kathy! I'm _not_ going to sleep with the best man, or show him my underwear! Or anything! No! Don't you dare!" Pepper huffed, her face blossoming into a vibrant blush, she fanned herself with a manila document folder, hoping the blush would calm.

"_Come on, we could compare notes."_ Kathy joked.

"That is wrong. I can't begin to count the levels of wrong in that statement… Go away, Kathy, I love you, but I've got work to do." Pepper laughed, still blushing prettily.

"_See you next week! Are you sure you can bring the dress with you and not get it all creased…"_

"Kathy, I've packed up more dresses up than I want to count. It is already packed, sandwiched between layers of acid-free tissue paper and is in an air-tight, padded box inside my suitcase. Your _wedding dress_ wasn't packed as well as my bridesmaid dress is right now." Pepper rolled her eyes, peering at the screen as she watched Tony chewing his pen as he paused in his scribbling.

"_Okay, I'll leave it in your capable hands. Love you Ginny!"_ Kathy called.

"Love you too, babe, Mwah. See you in a few days at the airport." Pepper grinned.

"_Love you. I might even send Sam to pick you up! Mwah. Bye!"_ the line clicked before Pepper could reply.

"Show him my lingerie? Four-night-stand? What does she take me for?" Pepper grumbled, composing herself just in time for another call to come through on the line.

"Good morning, you've reached Stark Industries CEO office. This is Virginia Potts speaking, I'm Mr. Stark's Personal Assistant. I'm sorry, Mr. Stark is currently unavailable right now, can I take a message?" There was the briefest of pauses, "You are currently on speakerphone, however, if you have sensitive or classified information, please let me know and I'll transfer the conversation to the headset."

In his office, Tony still lay on the floor. He'd heard every word of the conversation between his PA and the bride to be, Pepper hadn't flicked the switch to turn off the adjoining speaker system. He stood and meandered into the bathroom in the corner of his office, staring into the mirror and not seeing his reflection, not sure what to think.

"Now what, Stark?" he muttered, splashing cold water on his face before taking a deep breath and schooling his features back to impassive.


End file.
